6. Speaking up at work

Speaking up: why we don't do it, why we should - and how to start.

Last week, I introduced you to skills, mindset and trauma-informed movement coach for Equestrians, Jane Pike.

I spoke to Jane way back in Episode Six of the Lady Leadership Podcast, where she talked about The Itty Bitty Shitty Committee, how her career path wasn’t exactly linear, and some of the challenges women face when learning to use their voice, particularly in a corporate environment.

As Jane said, “It’s not as easy as saying ‘fake it ‘til you make it’, or putting your shoulders back and pretending your way into this feeling state, because there are so many different elements at play – particularly when it comes to females in leadership positions – that actually have a physiological impact on your ability to show up in a confident space. 

A common mistake I see with my coaching clients is that, when you decide you’re going to step into her power and start using your voice more at work, it’s easy to mistake strength for aggression, and it can be confusing to those around you and potentially harmful to the relationships you’ve been cultivating for months or even years.

There is an unspoken expectation in corporate environments that emotions should be regulated, that our energy should remain fairly consistent at all times. For many of us, me included, that means bringing our energy down to a more acceptable level within the work environment. And for women, we have the added restriction of having to come across as likeable and often subservient – no matter what our job description is.

On the one hand, I realise that life can be complicated and that we all need to pay our bills, but it can be helpful to bear in mind that everything you do has a residual effect. If you’re constantly turning down your voice, if you’re constantly not being heard, if you’re constantly not putting ideas forward, that energy isn’t impotent – it goes somewhere, and it goes inward. A lot of us are not speaking out in preference for allowing someone else to have their voice, and perhaps that voice is 90% of the conversation.

Moving away from your comfort zone when it comes to work requires you to be uncomfortable, but the person you’re interacting with to also be willing to be uncomfortable. It can be difficult to interrupt established dynamics, particularly those we have with those above us on the workplace pecking order.

We’re conditioned to avoid making other people uncomfortable. If you’re attuned with how you want to express yourself in terms of being more vocal, more flamboyant, more expressive, if that’s outside the box of what the organisation is used to, you have to expect people to be a little uncomfortable.

You can only make change within the constraints of what the leaders in the organisation are comfortable with. You have to run at the pace of the workplace you find yourself in, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make change. The actions you take may need to be smaller (and perhaps more frequent) than you'd like, in order to achieve the change you want.

Imagine if, after years of not speaking up, of not making any waves, you decide that you're going to start speaking up about issues within your workplace. Firstly, good on you. It's important to speak up. Secondly, go in with a game plan - and take it slowly. Put yourself in the shoes of your colleagues: up until now, they may have had no idea that your issue even WAS an issue. If you go in with all guns blazing, it can be confusing and upsetting for the people who, at the end of the day, you still need to work with.

Spend a bit of time thinking about how you're going to approach speaking up; who you need to speak to, how you can address issues in the moment without being angry or aggressive, and potential scenarios that might be a good place to address your issue in the moment.

As a career coach, I help women learn how to have difficult conversations. It's important to approach any conversation about workplace issues with one question in mind: What's my desired outcome?

Going into a difficult conversation prepared, hoping to resolve an issue - rather than just venting about the issue - is the quickest way to show the decision makers in your organisation that you're serious about affecting change. Practice your talking points. Send an agenda prior to your meeting. Make it about the issue, not the people causing the issue. And have solutions and suggestions on hand to contribute to the conversation.

Speaking up can be difficult, and it takes a brave woman to start speaking up. If you're interested in coaching to achieve better communication skills at work, I'd love to support you.